Persephone Pants x 2 ... and Mental Health Awareness

You may or may not be aware (or indeed care), that a significant amount of my sewing over the past couple of years has included many attempts at recreating a handmade version of Jesse Kamm’s of-cult-fame Sailor Pants. With varying degrees of success and comfort.

IMG_0091.jpg

Then, as I’m sure you are very aware by now, Anna Allen Clothing released the Persephone Pants sewing pattern earlier this year and the sewing community has gone totally nuts, with literally hundreds popping up in my Instagram feed.

I was pretty sceptical about the pattern at first. I know for a (untested) fact that Kamm pants would not fit my small(ish) waist accompanied by a large booty, and I couldn’t see how, without a side seam, I would be able to make them fit me. But then the as-ever-knowledgable and brilliantly talented Katie dived into the warm Persephone waters and came up with a few pearls of fitting wisdom that convinced me I should give them a go.

And they are awesome.

IMG_0098.jpg

I rarely make a pattern more than once, but I’m two down on these and gearing up for a third. When the desire to sew returns. The shape is immensely flattering, the fitting surprisingly easy and the instructions - particularly for the button fly - absolutely excellent. Although I would say choice of buttons for the fly is crucial as the ones above are quite thick, and as such you can see them and they make the front protrude more than I’d like.

IMG_0086.jpg

Both pairs are made in denim from Threadbare Fabrics, which is wonderful quality. The creamy colour is the 10oz Cone Mills S-gene stretch denim in natural and the blue is an 11oz Japanese selvedge denim in cornflower. My only concern about this denim was the stretch in both of them as the pattern specifically calls for non-stretch denim. There is a caveat that basically tells you it should work in stretch and it does, but in retrospect I would definitely go for non-stretch. The main reason for this is that I wanted these to fit me snuggly around the waist and upper hip, which they do and I’m pleased with, but the stretch means you see every lump and bump and a not insignificant amount of VPL. Never ideal.

I would also aim for a slightly heavier weight. The 11oz is definitely better than the 10oz and I think 12 oz would probably be perfect.

IMG_0094.jpg

So as I made both of these at the start of the summer and failed to make any notes, my memory of the fitting process is a little hazy. However I can tell you that I slashed and spread to add 1 and a quarter inches to the back rise, tapering to nothing at the front rise. And raised the centre back by half an inch.

I increased the darts to about 2 inches each on the cream pair but on the blue pair I put the excess across the back waist into the centre back seam as on the cream pair the darts really poke at the points. Annoyingly lengthening the darts just made this worse. Next time I might try putting in some darts at the side as Katie suggests in her post. Aside from that I didn’t make any adjustments. It’s staggering that that is all I needed to do!

I made the cream ones first and when I made them they fit so well. I then promptly put on 10 pounds which means they are snugger and more VPLy, but still surprisingly comfortable. In fact these are the most comfortable, best fitting pants I’ve ever made. Well until I made their sister.

IMG_0069.jpg

So this is where I go a little off topic. (If you’re here purely (and understandably) for the pants skip down to the next photo.)

I’m conscious that Wednesday was World Mental Health Day. It is also five years this week since we made the move to NYC with a five month old and a two year old in tow. This was pretty monumental and as much I hate to admit it, it had a huge impact on my mental state whilst I was still suffering from Post-Natal / Partum depression (PND). Also, my weight gain is due in part to a medication I have been taking to help with a mood disorder.

I mention these as they are all significant in the way I have dealt with life over the past 5 years. In this age of reducing the stigma of mental health issues and encouraging people to not to see it as a weakness (which is SUPER hard), I can’t really let this week go by without talking about how this affects my life.

A few years ago, I wrote an article for Seamwork Magazine about how sewing helped me with PND and coming to terms with my new reality as a stay-at-home-parent. I think about this article a lot. I stand by what I say in most of it, but some aspects of it seem a little disingenuous to me now. Disingenuous is wrong, naïve is probably more accurate.

My PND has never really gone away and as much as I try to do the things I’m supposed to, like immerse myself in things I enjoy, exercise and eat well (I could do a LOT better in both of the latter), there have been many days, particularly over the past two years, when getting out of bed has been next to impossible - only the requirement to get my kids to school has enabled it. I was taking SSRI medication (anti-depressants) this whole time, but the crippling feelings of utter despair, total hopelessness, worthlessness, feeling totally empty and numb of emotion coupled with copious amounts of crying, and some very very dark thoughts were only getting worse. Eventually I realised that, several years in, this was something beyond PND and I really needed help.

I’ve had a few false starts in finding treatment but this time last year I met a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with severe, drug-resistant, clinical depression coupled with anxiety. We are still working on getting the right medication at the right dose, as I have stretches of time where the depression comes back. In fact it never really goes away. But now it is not quite with the same force that it was previously. Although it can still make the day-to-day activities of life challenging.

My erratic sewing output is kind of a bellwether for where I am in the cycles I have. I can go from being hugely productive and motivated, to unable to even look at my sewing machine, or in fact engage with social media, as it is all utterly overwhelming.

For this and other reasons I’m working with my psychiatrist to understand whether my depression is unipolar or bipolar. This potential diagnosis initially totally freaked me out. And didn’t make any sense to me. Bipolar to me was all about insane highs, the mania, which I don't have, coupled with depression, which I do. But actually I’m understanding that there are different types of bipolar and bipolar 2, for example, is not the same. Yes there are highs, but these can manifest themselves in ways such as increased productivity, irritability and increased energy. Bipolar 2 is defined more by the long, intense periods of depression.

I’m still not sure whether this is where I am. My depression is pretty all-consuming but I’m definitely in a better place than I was last year. It looks like I will be on medication for the rest of my life, which is disheartening (a huge understatement) in itself. Don’t get me wrong, medication for me is a good thing, I wouldn’t be functioning without it. But the prospect of this never going away is incredibly upsetting.

And it’s a total f**ker when it means you gain weight as well and then find it impossible to lose. Bigger picture I know, but I hate it when my beautifully, painstakingly handmade clothes, that I really want to wear, just don’t fit me anymore.

IMG_0077.jpg

Did you see what I did there - moved so effortlessly from talking about something that I feel is so important to talk about, raise awareness, and destigmatise, to talking about sewing again. Don’t tell me I’m not a master of the segue!

Before I get back to the pants; I am no expert, but if you feel the same way and can summon up the wherewithal, and can actually get to someone who can help you, try and do it. It will drastically improve things for you. Also listen to this podcast - it deals with mental illness in an accessible, humorous and very personal way. And this guy, who I’ve just discovered, is honest and real and intersting to follow. I suggest them, mainly because both of these people get it. And people getting it, makes you feel so much less alone and so much less of a freak.

IMG_0068.jpg

Moving on: the second pair of Persephones in the gorgeous cornflower selvedge denim, have less stretch, more weight and fit a little better - although I didn’t tackle the waistband in the same way so that doesn’t sit as flush as I’d like it. For the cream pair I used a technique I watched on a Craftsy/ Bluprint class about copying your favourite jeans (Jeanius with Kenneth King) that has you press and stretch the bottom edge of the waistband before attaching it so that it curves and is essentially longer than the top edge. This then makes the waistband hug the curve of the body better. Literally genius!

I have worn and worn and worn these. I really wanted to use the pretty yellow selvedge as much as possible, so I made it ‘visible’ on the inside of the waistband and the backs of the belt loops.

IMG_0061.jpg

Interestingly these fit much better even though I made them around the same time. I think I was a bit more forgiving with the seam allowances and the denim is more rigid.

On both pairs I’m so thrilled with the fit, especially through the crotch. I know in these pics there are smile lines indicating they don’t fit well through there, but they really do! And are so comfortable!

IMG_0070.jpg

It really is a genius pattern; accurately emulates a highly sought after piece of clothing and I think, surprisingly, can really work for any figure.

I hope you don’t mind my little detour down the mental health path. I find it very hard to talk about with people face to face, but I also think, in this age of projecting a perfect life through all channels possible, it’s super important to be honest about our struggles so we can support each other and have real connections. That in itself can be so hugely helpful in relieving the loneliness of depression.

Stay strong, sew some Persephones and see you soon. x

(Oh and the jacket up top is also drafted and made by me. Hope to get some detail of that on the blog sometime.)

Sewing by numbers

People often kindly remark 'how creative' when I mention that I made what I'm wearing myself.  I feel a bit uncomfortable about this.  I consider myself a moderately creative person and there are some immensely creative people in the sewing world, but when I've simply found a pattern, put it with some fabric I like and followed some instructions, it feels more like the sewing equivalent of painting by numbers than a truly imaginative creative process. 

See what I've done with the pose here?

These trousers embody that sentiment.  Whilst I'll admit that having a vision of an item of clothing or an outfit and being able to make it from scratch does fall into the bracket of creative endeavours, these trousers, in fact this whole outfit, are pure ready-to-wear rip off.

Image from  The Daily Look   

Image from The Daily Look  

I'm not sure how I stumbled across this (duh, Pinterest), but I saw the above picture and completely fell in love with everything about the outfit: The loose silhouette, the colour palette, the baggy pants with statement florals, the mix of florals and stripes, the layering.  Everything (well except the slightly trashy shoes). 

So after not being able to get it out of my head for a few days I started summoning supplies to see if I could emulate it and this is what I came up with.

I really like these trousers; they are comfortable, the fabric is the right amount of floral without being twee or overpowering (I'm looking at you neon neoprene party dress) and I like the super high waist, the pleats and (mostly) how they fit.  I added an inch and half to the crotch depth and probably could have done with less. (Note for next time as I'd love to make a cropped pair in the summer.)  And added three inches to the length (of the version with cuffs - but didn't cuff them). Other than that no pattern alterations, although I did consider adding welt pockets to the back, but as I've never done them before and I had no excess fabric, I didn't want to risk a bodge job.  So welt pockets saved for another day. 

The tee was also made by me to replicate this look and gets worn all the time.  It's a lovely lightweight cotton knit using Grainline's Scout Tee - which I've adapted before (here) but never made straight out of the packet and I love it.  The neckline, fit across the shoulders and loose style are perfect and so comfortable for everyday wear.  I love the idea of layering it over a shirt, although it looks a bit odd without the jacket it has to be said.

Whilst I was hoping with the layering I could wear the trousers this winter, they are totally impractical for my day-to-day life: they need to be worn with heels, they're not very warm and I trip over them a lot.  Perfect for marching 15 blocks through the snow pushing a double stroller ...  

So; impractical, sewn by numbers and a total rip off of someone else's idea. Just like most of the stuff on the high street. Oh well, at least they're better made, I don't have sweatshops on my conscience and they fit me. 

Outfit details.  

Tee: grey stripe fine cotton knit from Mood using Grainline Studio's Scout Tee pattern.

Jacket: I was going to make one using Republique du Chiffon's Bernadette pattern, but I already have one white jacket in my closet, I don't really need another, so I ditched that idea.  This is from Zara, more than a few years ago.

Shirt: Pale denim also from Zara a few years back, (without being a total sycophant, I'd use Grainline's Archer if I was going to go all out and make the whole outfit).

Trousers: Pattern is Vogue 8836 and the fabric is a lovely drapey rayon challis from Harts Fabric. (I haven't sewn with rayon challis before and now I get why everyone raves about it.  But I'm confused as it's not something I've come across in the UK - is it known by another name?  Viscose??)

Shoes: Ridiculously high stack heels from Hobbs in the UK. 

See you soon x