I'm a big fan of Heather's Sunday sewing round up. I always discover new blogs or things that get me thinking. I feel like it's a free PSA she provides to us lucky folk. A couple of weeks ago she referenced an article by Sew Liberated:
"... that rushed feeling of trying to sew "just one more seam" before the baby awoke ... feeling frustrated when I didn't finish a project in the allotted time frame ... the constant stream of project ideas that would hound my thoughts when I could have been enjoying the present moment with my kids ... the creative to-do list ... The resentment, the oppressive to-make list, the feeling of being squeezed for creative time."
I read this and stopped short.
It's like she was in my head. Those words up there absolutely encapsulate my mental state a lot of the time.
I'm a relatively busy person, I am at home with two children, who have my focus all day, either physically whilst I am with them or doing things for our family at the times when they're at Pre-K or preschool. The same as any mother.
The evenings are when I sew, this is when I have the time to create and blog and generally do the things I love to do. Except sometimes it doesn't feel like I love sewing.
Because I have a serious clothes habit and try to make the majority of my clothes, I have a list as long as both arms of the things I want to wear and therefore sew. It is totally unachievable, especially in the arbitrary timeframes I set myself. But I get resentful that I don't have more time to sew. And then I get really tired because I stay up at least till midnight every night sewing. So then I get irritable with my family and don't have the energy to do the things I want to and should be doing with them.
I sew whilst watching something on Netflix with a glass of wine. so I'm distracted and not really concentrating on either. I'm not appreciating the moment of creating, which is surely the actual point, as I'm only half paying attention to what I'm doing. And I'm not 'creating', it has become just another thing to get done.
Big flashing lights here saying "what happened to valuing the journey as much as the destination". Totally lost on me at times.
I sew when I'm tired and easily frustrated and racing to get something finished so I can a) just get it done and b) move onto the next project. Which would kind of be OK, if it was my job, but this is my hobby, this is my thing I love to do. Nobody is forcing me to do this other than myself.
So do I love sewing? because reading back on this, this just sounds like a chore. Not only that; it also sounds pretty unhealthy if I'm not getting enough sleep and all the fall out from that (not eating properly, not exercising etc etc) - and not the most beneficial for those around me when I'm knackered and ratty. I'm lucky to be able to be at home with my kids, so I should be focussing on that, not my WIPs.
Something has to give as I definitely DO love to sew, but the current circumstances of my sewing are so completely the opposite of the therapeutic, calming, mindful activity that helped me get my shit together a couple of years ago.
I'm not sure what the solution is.
But it has to start with early bedtime. (And ideally more beach.)
See you soon x